A Show of Hands?
I am looking for someone out there who used to be an obsessive worrier! Anyone out there that has learned to control this annoying trait? The full impact of how horrible this trait is has hit me recently.
As I have mentioned and mentioned and mentioned.....Baby time is near and we have started to 'try.' Whatever that means. Basically just unprotected sex. Sorry if that is too weird for some to read. The reason that this is relevant is this: just knowing that we are kinda trying(my b.c. shot is supposed to still be in effect?!) I want to constantly take those damn pregnancy tests and/or ovulation tests! CRAZINESS! Why, dear friends, can I not just 'see what happens'? I have touted to all that care to listen that that was our plan. Surely everyone that has even said hello to me on the street knows that I am not a 'see what happens' girl. I don't particularly think that baby making is an enjoyable and stress free time for people with this hellish quirk. Yes, it is far more annoying that a 'quirk' but I still name it that in hopes that it maybe still seems endearing to someone out there. Jake acts like it is cute but let us all be honest here- it is damn hard to live with someone who can't even sleep right if a bill is outstanding by one day!
Should I just resign myself to many $$$ being spent on unnecessary tests just to quell my mania? Does anyone have any suggestions other than relax(you should know better ;) ) or maybe we all know that this is a futile fight? Bah! I'm certainly not complaining....I am soooo very excited about the possibilities that I can't NOT think about it though. Did I mention I am obsessive?
Well, I think I will see most of you who hopefully read this on Sunday, but I promise that unless you bring anything up-I will NOT talk about this! It even annoys me to hear myself speak of it!
Hmm..speaking of Sunday, I must get on that cookie exchange idea and think of what to make!
posted by Amanda @ 12:42 PM
3 Comments:
I think that this is not really "worrying" so much as it is a need to be in control.
Worry and Control are both words that have very strong negative connotations in a society that claims to value being footloose and fancy free, but, in reality, those people are lost souls in the power-playa fast times most of us live in.
What I offer you at this time is not a cure or a solution, but rather, a new way of looking at what is exactly going on in your mind, and you can use it for the context of planning to become pregnant or anything else you want to.
You dont want to pay youur bills late. You dont want to be pregnant unknowingly. These are NOT necessarily that wierd or dumb. So ask yourself why. Why do you feel this way. What have you gained and/or suffered in your life by being allegedly a worry-wart. Do you really think in your heart that this is a bad trait, or do you think you are suppossed to be X-Y-Z some other type of person? How would it feel? Scary? Nice?
I am not saying dont pay a bill, but more of a mental exploration. Play what if with yourself. Allow the scenario to really play out. What comes up?
When were some times in your life when you were certainly NOT in control? did bad things happen to you? What were some times in your life when you were in absolute control? did good things happen to you?
Are you able to resolve any of these issues now, in order to free yourself from this connection?
Would it be ok for you to just continue to be in control of some things, and let maybe one or two small things "go", as a little exercise to see if this is really something you want to move towards or not?
Pregnancy tests can get expensive, but there are other ways to know if you might be pregnant. They are not gross or anything but I will tell you them in person. the dollar store also has them, but I have a feeling you would think those were phoney and thats ok, too!
I have nothing to say about pregnancy as I was only ever an observer in the whole process, but... your cookies ROCKED!!! :)
I was crazy with worry the whole time we were trying. Those little tests are freaking expensive and a waste of time. Every time you get the urge to buy a test, put the money in a jar for a new baby outfit. Think of all the cool BABY things you can buy with the money you DON'T spend on tests that will just piss you off anyway !!!!
:) Barb
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