Under Pressure

Though it is common knowledge and no one that knows me is ever shocked to hear me say it-I must! I am SUPER STRESSED right now. Yes-yes I am always stressed. It is just moreso right now.

Christmas is looming and I felt pretty confident that I would be able to wrangle some extra cash to get gifts for everyone that I should. Not everyone that I want to because that list would be uber-long. Anyways, as Jake and I both got paid yesterday I tried to budget everything out and plan what we would spend on the party this weekend and such. Jake knows how much I stress and understands that I must plan out where each dollar will go so I can sleep a little easier.

This morning he sent me into near a panic when he tells me that he took out an extra 20 from our joint account. This was not planned for and not in my budgeting. He certainly could have a 20 for whatever but he needed to let me know first! I need to know where it is coming out of and adjust accordingly. It isn't that I am a control freak as much as I am a worrier. Jake is a 'fake' worrier. By this I mean that he worries but doesn't really get why I need to plan alleviate worry. Real worriers would understand this. Plans are the world to worriers.

It has been a long-running joke with my old and dear friends that I can NOT just go with the flow. I really wish I could but it is just not possible. Going out with anyone must involve a time, gameplan and estimated wrap up time in my mind. This isn't a particularly fun way to live but again, it helps me feel a little calmer. While I dont have to eat dinner at exactly 6 or anything OCD like that, I can see that I must start being a little adventurous.

Certainly when I have kids I will have to learn to go with the flow because you can't control everything a baby or child does to the degree that I like to plan out my day. Plus, I really hate being that kind of friend, therefore I know that I definitely don't want to be that kind of mom. I already am that kind of wife but am getting better at explaining to Jake that I am trying. I am trying to not be all weird and thrown into a tailspin by random deviations from 'the plan.'

Maybe Ironically, if I want to be all 'spontaneous' and just have unplanned fun I have to know that 'Saturday will be unplanned.' So you see? My unplanned days or nights turn into vague plans of being unplanned.

Do I need help or is this not an entirely horrible quality? I suppose that isn't something anyone else can really answer for me. It definitely comes in handy at times. I don't forget about plans that often, I don't mismanage time and run late pretty much never. I can get my work done super timely because I plan out how much time everything should take and then pad it a little so I can feel relaxed when I am done early.

Time to go-the next item on my list for the day is about to commence.

Happy Weekend!