Que sera...sera

Let me see....can I describe how i am feeling without whining? Well, I will definitely give it a shot.

I know that many things that are worth having usually come with some sort of work or struggle. I know this because i have lived it. My wedding was a pain in the ass with all sorts of unexpected family drama, moving always seems to involve more than is necessary, etc. Well, lately I have been tempted to just give up on a few things.

My problem is that I get really excited about something and then I get hit with a hard dose of 'Amanda's reality.' This means, of course, that anything I get excited about will not go smoothly. Wah, wah, wah. Ok, there was the whine. Seriously though, it is especially hard because when I want something I do everything possible to make it happen, and quickly. I am not a paitent person. When things are taken completely out of my hands I feel as though I must be missing something. There must be something I can do! Sadly, this time, I am doing just about everything I can do and it looks as though I will not be able to affect the outcome.
Everyone thinks it is easy to say "what is supposed to be, will be..." BAH! That is such a load of crap and we all know it. That is exactly what you say to someone when you don't know what else to say. I know because I, too, have used this line. Yeah, there is a bit of truth in this common saying. The problem is that the great line of comfort does little when you are wanting something. I sometimes feel that is one of life's biggest lies we tell ourselves. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Surely this is the easiest thing to say ever, because you can't really be proved wrong! I know, i know, this line has brought me comfort in the past, but that usually happened AFTER what I wanted to happen had finally occured. By that time it is easy to say that everything happened for a reason. You can find a reason, however flimsy, just about anywhere if you want to create an excuse. Wow, i guess I am whining and I do apologize. I am truly not in the best place at the moment and I am trying to think of ways to make myself pep up a little. I'm not normally this sad. Bitchy, yes..it is my nature, but sad? No.

Hopefully I will be a little pepped up by hanging out with Jake tonight and just vegging on the couch after I make a tasty dinner. Maybe that will be what I need to start believing the comforting lines that I so often say to others.

Well, without trying to come off as a smart ass(because i truly mean this...) HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

you dont have to read this, i'm just bored

Nothing to upset Jake in this one!


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:-Amanda-Aunt Amanda

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:-I have good taste-I am a pretty good cook when I try-I am frickin' hilarious

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF-I worry too much-my weight could be a little lower-Compulsively looking into mirrors(just call me Vanity Smurf)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:- Mexican- Lebanese- Polish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:- Spider-the unknown- unplanned events

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:- Some piece of black attire- deodarant- a snarky attitude

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:- black shirt- black pants-kelly green hoodie(it is cold in here)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:- Dean Martin(not a band, i know)- Pink Floyd- Elvis Costello

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ALBUMS:- Wish You Were Here/Pink Floyd- Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots/Flaming Lips- The Best of Eddie Money/Eddie Money

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:- I buy at least SOMETHING for myself everyday- I have an odd obsession wtih Frasier Reruns on Lifetime- I want 7 kids

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:- getting pregnant- go on an actual vacation with Jake- move into a place that I want to stay for more than 1 year

THREE THINGS YOU NEED IN A RELATIONSHIP:- Honesty- Laughter- patience with my moods

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:- Save money- bite my tongue- not judge

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:- Cooking- Reading- Writing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:- Sleep- finish school- Shop

THREE JOBS YOU'D CONSIDER DOING OTHER THAN THE ONE YOU HAVE:- um, almost anything!- nanny(for a RICH person)- mommy

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:- Spain(my one true dream)- London- India

THREE KID'S NAMES:- Detroit- Aquafina- Jezebel
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:- Go to Spain(on a fab ship)- Shop without any reservations on how much i spend!- have a family

Money, That's What I Want!

I know I may be at the age of showers for all of my friends and that is cool, but this co-worker shit is KILLING ME financially! I have no problem-ever buying my friends or their kids presents. I do have a problem when every damn week there is a new event that I have to ante up for. Who can afford this? Other people at my work must be feeling the pinch as well as I am? Frankly, I do have the extra $25.00 a month on average that I have to cough up but, more to the point, I dont want to give this money!

There are TWO, count them, TWO baby showers this month alone. How do I decline...that's right you don't. Especially when the 'shower' is at work! It isn't that I don't like the people. It is more the fact that I HAVE to give. I don't really have a choice.

Let me stress that I LOVE SHOPPING FOR PEOPLE, not just myself! Mostly upsetting me is that I want to buy things for my loved ones and I can't because i have to give to my works latest event.

Now for a pity-poor-Amanda part: On my birthday I received some balloons from the woman who decorates everyones cubicle and that is it. That's right...almost everyone else gets a cake, doughnuts, something. I do not. Now, I dont want to complain about not getting anything, because I was fine. I am only annoyed because I have to give for everything and i didn't even get a card. Clearly my office is just a tad clicky. I am a floater who gets along with everyone but apparently not well enough! I am either going to have to start saying NO all the time, or just start giving small amounts. Less than what they ask for. Yes, that is right, they ask for specific amounts! No-donate what you can...nope. It is more along the lines of "we are collecting for Sally Mae's baby shower, we are asking for $20.00 from everyone. Please give your money to Jane." What????

Okay, I have vented and vented and vented so I am done! I have to go shopping...

A Show of Hands?

I am looking for someone out there who used to be an obsessive worrier! Anyone out there that has learned to control this annoying trait? The full impact of how horrible this trait is has hit me recently.

As I have mentioned and mentioned and mentioned.....Baby time is near and we have started to 'try.' Whatever that means. Basically just unprotected sex. Sorry if that is too weird for some to read. The reason that this is relevant is this: just knowing that we are kinda trying(my b.c. shot is supposed to still be in effect?!) I want to constantly take those damn pregnancy tests and/or ovulation tests! CRAZINESS! Why, dear friends, can I not just 'see what happens'? I have touted to all that care to listen that that was our plan. Surely everyone that has even said hello to me on the street knows that I am not a 'see what happens' girl. I don't particularly think that baby making is an enjoyable and stress free time for people with this hellish quirk. Yes, it is far more annoying that a 'quirk' but I still name it that in hopes that it maybe still seems endearing to someone out there. Jake acts like it is cute but let us all be honest here- it is damn hard to live with someone who can't even sleep right if a bill is outstanding by one day!

Should I just resign myself to many $$$ being spent on unnecessary tests just to quell my mania? Does anyone have any suggestions other than relax(you should know better ;) ) or maybe we all know that this is a futile fight? Bah! I'm certainly not complaining....I am soooo very excited about the possibilities that I can't NOT think about it though. Did I mention I am obsessive?

Well, I think I will see most of you who hopefully read this on Sunday, but I promise that unless you bring anything up-I will NOT talk about this! It even annoys me to hear myself speak of it!

Hmm..speaking of Sunday, I must get on that cookie exchange idea and think of what to make!

This is funny

sorry this isn't really a blog! but it is fun....


Ok, this is amusing. I wonder if jake would think so.


Answer the questions without seeing what they mean first.
1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?Jake
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?bird
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?it doesn't pay attention to me
4.You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it.an old rambling house with a swing on the front porch
5.Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?um no
6.You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table. What do you see on AND around it?a pretty tablecloth with flowers and chairs....
7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of?glass
8.What do you do with the cup?pick it up and curse who left it there.
9.You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is it?a lake
10. How will you cross the water?i won't---
What the answers mean:
1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a close personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.
6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.
7. The durability of the material the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with the person you named in #1.
8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward person in #1.
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life