First Entry, again

Well, I had tried to open a journal and then I came back to it and it didn't exist anymore. Hopefully this one fares much better. If I try to log on again and it doesn't work then I am giving up on this 'blogger' site and will just be faithful to my livejournal system.


So here goes.......

It seems as though there has been a lot of changes in my life lately that aren't necessarily huge but when combined are making me re-evaluate some things in my life. It really isn't that I don't want to be friends with certain people or I want to cut anyone out of my life completely. I just don't want to deal with the bullshit of some people anymore. Isn't that what being a friend is all about, you ask? Well, maybe. But maybe that is the true test of whether or not you are truly interested in being a friend to someone. Do you want to deal with their bull shit as well as their great qualities. Surely most of us would say absolutely if we were to think of specific friends. Then there are others who certainly don't seem worth the effort. I know that this sounds heartless, but I don't think so. Really, I think this is how most people feel and are just too afraid to balls-out admit it. Actually this doesn't even have to only include friends. Certainly family memebers can fall into this category.

What got me thinking about this is was a conversation I had recently. Both the person I was talking with and myself had been/are in situations where we are 'friends' with someone we feel guilty about just ending relationship with. At what point do you amicably cut your losses and move on? This isn't to say that there weren't good times with this person or that you wish them ill will. You just dont' have the energy to keep the farce of a relationship going. It seems clear that both of you feel that way and yet nothing is done. The relationship is just stagnant and only adds stress to all parties involved. Seems cold, odd, sad, etc. You pick an adjective. I tried to cut ties with a person that was good friend for a few years. At times, almost my 'best' friend. Our lives changed and I just plain didn't like her anymore. It was getting petty with silly backstabbing and lies when all that needed to be done was a clean break. I wrote this person an email(chicken?) and suggested, or rather, told her that I thought it was better if we just left our friendship where it was and move on. I didn't get into anything bad but stated that clearly this was a toxic relationship that neither of us was benefitting from. I blocked her email once I sent it so that if she wanted to respond I didn't know and could make the break official. Well, over a year later she re-entered my life and has been in it since. Not nearly in the capacity that she once was. Now, more of a social accquaintance that I can talk to and enjoy a conversation with and leave it at that. It is really nice. Do I miss the times when we were close? Sure. Would it ever be like it was before we were both married? No.

I suppose my point is that it seems silly keep people in your life that don't make it better in some way. I just can't figure out the way to make it work and not be hurtful for anyone involved.

More later, I should actually work today.