I'm still around

Well, I am finally writing again but I don't think that there is much new to report. I originally started this blog in the hopes that I wouldn't feel weird about just writing fiction or whatever was on my mind. The problem is, when you know that people are reading your stuff and it is people you know, you can suddenly get self-conscious. I've always wanted to write a book that would perhaps be grouped in the same genre as David Sedaris or perhaps Salinger. As these are my two favorite authors, I feel that I have such a high standard for how I want to write that it scares me into not writing. Unless, of course, you account for those lonely stories tucked away in some now-dampened cardboard storage boxes in our basement. Well, maybe soon. I have been feeling the itch to write again and perhaps this would be a good forum.

My brother Joe has an idea for a book he wants to see written but feels he lacks the skills to put his ideas to paper. He asked if I would write the book using his outlines and plot ideas. I think it sounds like a nice collaboration and look forward to sitting down with him. From what he has told me it is some sort of fantasy/action/hero-esque type plot. I am just excited to help him and hear what he has thought of. Perhaps it will be labeled with the line "as told to." That would be awesome.

In news unrelated to writing, Jake and I are still half-heartedly trying for a baby. I use the term half hearted because with how crazy my lady cycles have been, we don't really know if it is biologically possible at the moment. I never thought I would be a woman that had to worry about getting pregnant. Never. Suddenly I empathize only too well with any mention of a 'gaping hole' in one's life. I get it. I really really wish I didn't. Jake is ever the optimist and one day his outlook is bound to rub off on me, right? Really, I am going through every Pessimists nirvana. What is happening is exactly what I feared would. Just like I warned myself and everyone else.

I had an appointment with my Ob/Gyn but she was so far behind that I had to reschedule or I'd miss my next appointment I had scheduled for that day. The lady behind the little sliding window didn't get that I had to wait until my next scheduled day off to come in because most of us have jobs and cannot just come in when the doctor has an opening. I already had taken the day off for this appointment. Maybe I was glad it was forced to be post-poned. I could have been told that I have problems far more serious than I thought. I guess we'll keep trying and I'll find out more in November, pretty much December when I go back. That's right. The monday after Thanksgiving.

Nothing adds to my frustration like when I am sitting in the doctors office and I see a girl I went to High School with walk in. Granted, I never liked this girl and considered myself more 'popular' than her(meow!), I couldn't help but ask myself why she deserved to be pregnant and I didn't. I knew that she didn't know why I was there but I sure felt like it. It felt like every damn person in the room, with their big round bellys knew that I was there because I am having a problem achieving that big round belly. Well, without the aid of all of my favorites candies and chocolate... I have that type of belly already.

Wow, I guess I choose to only write on this when I am frustrated and need to write things out. I did have dreams of witty, entertaining and quirky entries. I guess I am just not in that place right now. The holidays are coming though, and nothing can put me in a good mood like a holiday, so I am sure things will be so much better shortly! Bye!