Que sera...sera

Let me see....can I describe how i am feeling without whining? Well, I will definitely give it a shot.

I know that many things that are worth having usually come with some sort of work or struggle. I know this because i have lived it. My wedding was a pain in the ass with all sorts of unexpected family drama, moving always seems to involve more than is necessary, etc. Well, lately I have been tempted to just give up on a few things.

My problem is that I get really excited about something and then I get hit with a hard dose of 'Amanda's reality.' This means, of course, that anything I get excited about will not go smoothly. Wah, wah, wah. Ok, there was the whine. Seriously though, it is especially hard because when I want something I do everything possible to make it happen, and quickly. I am not a paitent person. When things are taken completely out of my hands I feel as though I must be missing something. There must be something I can do! Sadly, this time, I am doing just about everything I can do and it looks as though I will not be able to affect the outcome.
Everyone thinks it is easy to say "what is supposed to be, will be..." BAH! That is such a load of crap and we all know it. That is exactly what you say to someone when you don't know what else to say. I know because I, too, have used this line. Yeah, there is a bit of truth in this common saying. The problem is that the great line of comfort does little when you are wanting something. I sometimes feel that is one of life's biggest lies we tell ourselves. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Surely this is the easiest thing to say ever, because you can't really be proved wrong! I know, i know, this line has brought me comfort in the past, but that usually happened AFTER what I wanted to happen had finally occured. By that time it is easy to say that everything happened for a reason. You can find a reason, however flimsy, just about anywhere if you want to create an excuse. Wow, i guess I am whining and I do apologize. I am truly not in the best place at the moment and I am trying to think of ways to make myself pep up a little. I'm not normally this sad. Bitchy, yes..it is my nature, but sad? No.

Hopefully I will be a little pepped up by hanging out with Jake tonight and just vegging on the couch after I make a tasty dinner. Maybe that will be what I need to start believing the comforting lines that I so often say to others.

Well, without trying to come off as a smart ass(because i truly mean this...) HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!